Many years ago I had the honor of knowing a gentleman by the name of Harold Kaska. Harold and I were very close friends, he was like a grandfather to me. He instilled me with knowledge and allowed me to fill his ears with my ranting and carrying on. We both were avid admirers of opera and classical music. Every week I would call Harold, who lived in Clayton California, and we would talk on the phone for hours about the latest opera productions in San Francisco, the latest recordings of our favorite composers’ works and overall just day to day stuff. On occasion I would be treated to a story from World War II, as Harold was a veteran of that war.
But most of all, I came to respect this man who called himself “El Perfect”. Harold, you see, was a genius. His IQ was way up there and the man was very very smart. He had a number of talents, most especially the talent to find oil. Before he retired, Harold was a micropaleontologist for a few of the big oil companies. He travelled all over the world and got to see some amazing things. But he was “El Perfect” because he was above everyone else. People were idiots to him, well most people. He embraced me into his circle of intellectual friends because I am also one of the gifted. I loved Harold very much, he was an incredible friend. Today people say things about him and he doesn’t even know, for you see Harold passed away in his sleep on April 29, 2001. He was 75 years old. These things that people say are mostly bad, for they didn’t understand him as I did. They didn’t really get to know the man and his intellect. People with high IQs are often considered to be anti-social, cold, cerebral. But in fact, they are just as wonderful as anyone else can be.
Well this year is the tenth anniversary of Harold’s passing and I am going to be taking on a lot of my dear friend’s attitudes. Because I am also intelligent, gifted and above all other people who are complete idiots. Working for IKEA these past three years has opened my eyes to how this world is filled to the brim with idiots, morons and all around retarded people. I am far above them, I have the ability to write books, compose music, create beautiful art and most of all know that I am the best at all of these.
Therefore my new attitude is: Shut up and listen to what I am saying, do what I tell you to do and the world will be a better place. I am now El Perfect the Second!